Posts Tagged ‘Grief’

The Bookends—Dogs Who Inspired Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss

Framed White Puppy Dog Angel with Wings, Luna, American Pit Bull Terrier, Staffordshire, In Heaven from the Rainbow Bridge


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The Bookends—Dogs Who Inspired Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss

The Bookends

I had raced to the Petco when I learned from someone at our local humane society that they were showing a three-year-old male West Highland white terrier for adoption there. Just as I approached this beautiful dog, my heart sank. There was another woman signing his adoption papers. Though disappointedâ??because Iâ??d looked for such a dog for two yearsâ??I would nevertheless have been happy for his getting a good homeâ?¦if only that were what was happening here.

His intake form read â??Reasons animal is being relinquished: family allergic, and dog doesnâ??t do well alone for long periods.â? I almost lost it as this adoptive woman casually said in my presence, â??Well, weâ??re all allergic, too, but weâ??ll see how it goes.â? She followed this up with, â??We all work all day, but heâ??ll be all right, wonâ??t he?â? And last, when I noted he was due for a haircut, she wrinkled her nose and said, â??Oh you donâ??t have to do that, do you?â?

This woman obviously had no clue what she was getting into with adopting a terrier whoâ??d already had a minimum of two previous homes. And what was worse, sheâ??d raised every possible red flag for the adoption agency and still they let the transaction go through!

Incensed on his behalf, I gave the woman my business card. I told her I already had one Westie, I run a home-based business and thus heâ??d never be alone for long, and dogs are elevated to god-like status in my house. Pushy broad that I am, despite my Minnesota Nice upbringing, I flat-out said, â??Whenâ?¦and ifâ?¦this doesnâ??t work out, call me.â?

That was on a Sunday in 1996. By the following Thursday, Ludwig was welcomed into his forever home with my menagerie of critters and me.

He was adored, pampered, and cherished every day until his last, when he died of prostate cancer the night before Thanksgiving 2005. This beautiful boy had survived the usually deadly virus leptospirosis two years earlier and went on to be the ring bearer in my wedding in 2004.

When he died, my husband and I knew we wanted to memorialize him somehow yet not be totally centered on ourselves. We decided to hold an All-Pets Memorial service, wherein people could bring photos of their own beloved, long-lost animal family members. An astounding thirty human beings attended, crowded into our living room. Tears, tales, and terrier-shaped treats were shared. We learned about what nearly 100 honored pets had brought into the lives of our friends, and all hearts were healed a bit that day.

Someone there came up to me and said, â??Sid, you should write a book about memorializing pets.â? That planted the seed that took several years to germinate and finally fully bloom. In August 2009, I published Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss. In it, I provide both personal and professional insights into the animal loverâ??s unique grieving process.

Just two days after my husband and I sent out prayers to Ludwig and asked him to paw-pick especially for us the next doggie we were supposed to share our lives with, my husband found Mortimerâ??s listing on Petfinder. (We saved him from the hideous temporary name Sir Chuckyâ??I kept seeing that demon doll from the horror movie Childâ??s Playâ??and named him after Cary Grantâ??s character in Arsenic and Old Lace, Mortimer Brewster, who was so glad to find out that he was â??adoptedâ? and therefore wouldnâ??t inherit the familyâ??s insanity.)

We drove to North Dakota to spring him from the James River Humane Society where heâ??d been deposited as a stray. The ad in Petfinder said he was three. A visit to our vet, where we learned he had advanced degenerative arthritis, got the response, â??Well, I donâ??t think heâ??s quite ten.â?

I was heartbroken. How could Ludwig have blown it so? I felt Iâ??d lost seven years with my darling boy in a few seconds! Iâ??ve found that sometimes we have to thank the Universe/(Puppy) Powers that be for keeping us in the dark and not giving us exactly what we wish for. They give us what we need.

In all honesty, knowing Mortimerâ??s advanced age would have deterred us from adopting him just then, as I couldnâ??t bear the thought of losing another senior so soon after Ludwigâ??s passing. But if we hadnâ??t been blissfully unaware, we wouldnâ??t have welcomed into our lives this phenomenally wonderful dog. He soon had two younger siblings to keep him young at heart, too.

By the time I started writing the book, I had added to my family those three Westies (yes, Iâ??m brand loyal, but theyâ??re always rescues), namely Mortimer, Blanche and Keely. They blended in beautifully with fellow rescues Giles and Xander (my cats), and Atticus and Scout (my finches).

My bond with all of these animals led me to pursue ordination as an animal chaplain, to further help me reach out in a meaningful way to others who are dealing with the pain of pet loss. Mortimer taught me to live in the moment as much as possible and to cherish every moment with our beloved companions. We made a concerted effort to ensure his last years were splendid, too. The experience tested my convictions in the book and showed me what Iâ??d learned in researching and writing it really did work to help my heart heal after my much-loved Mortimer passed away rather suddenly just after Iâ??d finished the book and turned over its pages to the designer for layout. His story became the bookâ??s poignant epilogue. I have a peaceful heart knowing he and Ludwig both are properly immortalized and thanked for their invaluable roles in this life-changing venture.

I can see now the reason Ludwig found me this superb seniorâ??so his passing would perfectly timed for me to have my two precious dogs as my â??bookends.â?

Sid Korpi
Author Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss
<www.goodgriefpetloss.com>

The Yearling [DVD] [1946] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]

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Pet Loss and Grief – 4 Steps to Help Cope With Feelings of Guilt

Pet loss poem


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Pet Loss and Grief – 4 Steps to Help Cope With Feelings of Guilt

When we have a pet, we naturally take on a deep sense of responsibility. Our pet depends on us for food, water, shelter, healthcare, and love. When we suffer a pet loss, the grief may seem overwhelming. One of the strongest emotions we can feel after a pet’s death is guilt. 

Feeling guilt is a normal reaction to the grief we are going through after experiencing a pet loss. If you lost a pet through an accident, you may be thinking “if only I had…” 

- Been keeping a closer eye  

- Exercised more caution  

- Had come directly home  

- Been more aware  

If you lost a pet through an unforeseen illness, you may be wondering “why didn’t I…”

 - Get to the veterinarian sooner?  

- Consider getting another medical opinion?  

- Pay closer attention to see signs of illness?  

- Not wait so long to do anything?  

You may still find other reasons to feel guilty about a pet’s death, thinking “if only I had…”

 - Not been so preoccupied  

- Devoted more attention  

- Not pushed him/her off my lap  

- Not yelled at him/her  

Sometimes there is nothing we can when our pet succumbs to an illness or suffers an injury. In working through feelings of guilt, we may learn how to better identify symptoms of ill health or gain knowledge from a mistake. The following four steps can assist in coping with feelings of guilt after a pet’s death: 

1) Talk about your feelings to a family member or close friend who can provide more objectivity  

2) Change the focus from your feelings of powerlessness to the times you had with your pet in good health and the occasions you took excellent care of your pet

3) Recognize that you cared for your pet the best way you could at that time, that injuries and sickness happen, and that people make errors

4) Talk to your veterinarian about any remaining concerns about your pet’s state of health

Although the pet loss and grief can be devastating, it is important to remember that having feelings of guilt are to be expected and it will take time to work through them and begin the healing process.

Deborah A. is an animal lover with a special interest in helping others cope after the loss of a pet. Are you trying to move past the grief of your pet’s death? CLICK HERE or go to: http://www.petlosshelp.info to get more tips and relief in coping with your pet loss.

Coping with Pet Loss (Overcoming Common Problems)

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Dealing with aspects of pet loss, this book includes: stages of grieving; when mourning mask deeper problems; dealing with those who don’t understand; helping children cope; considering euthanasia; missing: when pet loss isn’t death related; special loss: losing a service dog; remembering a pet; and when to get another pet.

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Pet Death: Helping Your Child Cope With Grief

Pet Death: Helping Your Child Cope With Grief

For many children the death of their pet will be their first experience of death or loss. Children today often have a particularly significant relationship with their pets as families are smaller and both parents may work outside the home, leaving children to spend more time alone, with the family pet taking the role of daily companion.

For many children, a pet can be a source of comfort and a supportive, uncritical friend, always available to listen. Pets often give children a valuable sense of self-worth because they will not judge or make children feel inadequate. Children frequently describe their pets as a best friend or sibling.

Reactions to grief
How a child responds to losing a pet really depends on the intensity of their bond, as well as the child’s maturity and circumstances surrounding the loss. Children tend to show grief in spurts and for longer periods than adults. Children often show their grief in less direct ways than adults. One day they will seem fine and the next day they may show that they are feeling pain. Children may try to get closeness, care, information, reassurance and support from adults.

Even the most sensitive adult may feel uncomfortable discussing death, loss and grief with children. Parents often want to protect children from pain by shielding them from painful experiences, particularly if the pet will be euthanized. Children are often excluded from the decision to spare them the guilt associated with such a difficult choice.

What you can do
Ensure that your child can express their feelings safely without judgment. Depending on your child’s age and maturity, feelings can be expressed through play, water play, writing a letter, a story, a poem, painting or drawing.

Give clear and honest information to your child in a way that they can understand. Children need to know what is happening even if they don’t ask.

Allow your child time to talk, ask questions and share their worries with a caring adult. They might be very confused and need to ask lots of questions. If you can’t talk about it, find another adult who is close to your child who can. If children can’t talk to you about the loss, they might feel that it is not safe to talk about it at all and so continue to have muddled and scary feelings. You may have to answer the same question over and over as your child learns to understand what has happened.

If the child is acting angrily or withdrawing, try to make times to talk, without pushing for answers. If it continues, talk to a health professional.

Be honest. If you don’t tell them what has happened, you may prevent them from dealing with the loss and grieving. This can cause problems when they have other losses in their lives.

Consider letting your child’s teacher or childcare worker know if you think they will be sensitive. Teachers and friends at school can help to support your child.

Although you may feel uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to share your sadness. It may help your child to see that their own feelings are normal. Learning to cope with the death of a pet may make it easier to deal with other losses, which are a natural part of life.

Allow times for extra closeness and comfort.

Shortly after the loss, the pain may outweigh the pleasurable memories of having a pet. Once the pain has diminished, you and your child may feel ready to become attached to a new pet. Your child may feel guilty about replacing the pet that has gone, perhaps worrying that they might forget about that pet. Grief is essentially about wanting to maintain a connection with someone who has died. There are many healthy ways to maintain this connection. Your child may feel better if they keep the pet’s collar or put a framed photo on display.