Coping With Death Of Pet – 4 Techniques To Help With Your Struggle

When an individual you love and care for dies, it is natural to experience the emotions of sadness and heartache. You gratefully accept the support and sympathy that your family and friends give you. Unfortunately, you may find that the very people you thought you could count on are not as understanding when a pet dies and do not appreciate the grief you are going through. They may think it is unreasonable to get so wrapped up in the emotions, saying “it is just a pet.” Coping with your pets’ death can be even harder to resolve without the support you thought you had.

Only those who have felt that deep bond with their pets can truly understand and empathize with the grief you are suffering. They know that pets can become a genuine member of the family! Many people observe their pets’ birthdays, have pictures in their wallet, and share their innermost feelings to their beloved animal.

So, how can we best cope with the death of a cherished pet? The following are four techniques to help with the struggle of pet loss:

1) accept the grief you are feeling and allow yourself to feel the full brunt of it
2) find other people you can go to that will listen to your pain
3) contact your humane society or veterinarian and ask about a pet loss support group to attend or a pet loss hotline to call
4) write down all the feelings you are having about your pets’ death

Our pet can provide friendship, emotional support, and unconditional love, despite our flaws. If we are comfortable with this strong bond we have with our pet, then we realize it is a normal process to grieve when our pet dies. This process has no timetable – it can take anywhere from days to years, depending on each individual.

Deborah A. is an animal lover with a special interest in helping others cope after the loss of a pet. Are you trying to move past the grief of your pet’s death? CLICK HERE or go to: http://www.petlosshelp.info to get more tips and relief in coping with your pet loss.

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Reactions to grief
How a child responds to losing a pet really depends on the intensity of their bond, as well as the child’s maturity and circumstances surrounding the loss. Children tend to show grief in spurts and for longer periods than adults. Children often show their grief in less direct ways than adults. One day they will seem fine and the next day they may show that they are feeling pain. Children may try to get closeness, care, information, reassurance and support from adults.

Even the most sensitive adult may feel uncomfortable discussing death, loss and grief with children. Parents often want to protect children from pain by shielding them from painful experiences, particularly if the pet will be euthanized. Children are often excluded from the decision to spare them the guilt associated with such a difficult choice.

What you can do
Ensure that your child can express their feelings safely without judgment. Depending on your child’s age and maturity, feelings can be expressed through play, water play, writing a letter, a story, a poem, painting or drawing.

Give clear and honest information to your child in a way that they can understand. Children need to know what is happening even if they don’t ask.

Allow your child time to talk, ask questions and share their worries with a caring adult. They might be very confused and need to ask lots of questions. If you can’t talk about it, find another adult who is close to your child who can. If children can’t talk to you about the loss, they might feel that it is not safe to talk about it at all and so continue to have muddled and scary feelings. You may have to answer the same question over and over as your child learns to understand what has happened.

If the child is acting angrily or withdrawing, try to make times to talk, without pushing for answers. If it continues, talk to a health professional.

Be honest. If you don’t tell them what has happened, you may prevent them from dealing with the loss and grieving. This can cause problems when they have other losses in their lives.

Consider letting your child’s teacher or childcare worker know if you think they will be sensitive. Teachers and friends at school can help to support your child.

Although you may feel uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to share your sadness. It may help your child to see that their own feelings are normal. Learning to cope with the death of a pet may make it easier to deal with other losses, which are a natural part of life.

Allow times for extra closeness and comfort.

Shortly after the loss, the pain may outweigh the pleasurable memories of having a pet. Once the pain has diminished, you and your child may feel ready to become attached to a new pet. Your child may feel guilty about replacing the pet that has gone, perhaps worrying that they might forget about that pet. Grief is essentially about wanting to maintain a connection with someone who has died. There are many healthy ways to maintain this connection. Your child may feel better if they keep the pet’s collar or put a framed photo on display.

Have you ever witnessed a friend or neighbor distraught over the death of a pet? If you have never owned a pet, or considered having one, were you surprised to see someone crying? Actually, such a response is just as normal as when a close friend or loved one dies. The emotional relationship between pet and person is equally intense as is person to person.

Here’s what you should know about helping someone who is mourning the death of a pet since there is great sorrow involved that can go on for long periods of time.

1. Just as in the death of a friend or family member (and most animals are considered part of the family), grief is to be expected due to the degree of emotional investment in the object of loss. Emotional investment means caring and concern; it is love in-depth. Only the mourner knows the depth of that investment. Sometimes pet grief is more intense than the grief associated with the death of a loved one.

2. Give permission to show emotion by something you say or do. Give the person a hug and say, “This must bring deep hurt” or “I’m so sorry to hear that.” Use the name of the pet when you can. Recognize how close the relationship was between the pet and the mourner and encourage him/her to talk about the illness or what led up to the death.

3. Offer to be of service in some way. Bring food over to the home, if appropriate. Go with the owner to the pet cemetery. Provide transportation. Simply showing you are aware of the impact of the death will be of great help to your friend. Your presence is a healer.

4. Review the relationship the person had with the pet in a gentle caring way. Ask questions regarding how long the pet was part of the family and where he/she came from. Encourage story telling involving what the pet did or did not do. All of this will give you a better idea of what the loss means to the person and allows them to release feelings.

5. Grief over the death of a beloved animal is just as individual as grief over the death of a family member. There will be a wide range of differences, some demonstrative others very reserved. Do not judge the depth of grief by outside appearances. Respect all expressions of grief. Some individuals will hide their grief over fear others will ridicule their behavior. Be sure to include children in learning about grief and death through the death of the pet.

6. Keep in mind, especially with older adults living alone, some companion animals may be the only family the person has. Thus the animal is one of the few or perhaps the only one the mourner received unconditional love from.

7. If other losses have preceded the death of a pet, it can make the pet death more difficult to deal with. For example, if a pet owner has had to give up driving, has had a debilitating illness, has had friends move away, or experienced the death of a loved one, these or other losses can easily result in bereavement overload. The mourner will especially need a nurturing and understanding community at this time of transition.

8. Guilt, anger or depression can also be associated with pet loss. Guilt is the most common reaction, especially if the owner had to have the pet euthanized, was not there when the pet died, or did not recognize the illness until the later stages.

9. Help create or suggest a memorial. A picture, toy, or collar can be used as a way to honor or remember the pet. An object belonging to the animal can be encased in Lucite or placed on a shelf that can be easily viewed.

No longer do pets play a superficial role in homes throughout the country. Rather, they have come to fill the needs of companion, supporter, and old friend. Consequently, the death of a pet can become a major grief experience for the young or old alike. Become sensitive to the role the animal played in the life of the family, and you will be better equipped to provide ongoing support and appropriate remembrances that will be immensely helpful in the months ahead.